Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Glued to the Now

I have this brilliant idea of carrying a notebook with me everywhere and talking notes about the various coincidences and accidents that I witness during the day to day.. or just those random things that stick.  Like songs or quotes... or numbers.. or headlines which have many meanings.  I think it is about training,  I have to remember to carry a notebook in the first place.  I also have to have a pen that actually works.. and I need to train myself to write things down.  Most of the time one of the variables is missing and it prevents any record being made of these happy accidents at all.  ( And they are lost to become suburban myths or anecdotes you tell whilst drunk and trying to be interesting.)

I need to have little forms that I fill out.  Listen to me - Little forms.  You can tell I work in an intstitution which has process and paperwork.  (I did filing today and I loved it).  These little forms would have questions to remind me of what to think and details to record so that the timeline and data collection is correct and true. 

Sounds weird doesn't it??  I wonder if anyone else is doing it.  I could look I guess... that would be a good place to start. 

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow I start The Diary of Fate.  Lets see what happens......
Though I must admit that although I have been (or felt as though I have been) swamped with these types of messages thus far.. I do fear that the second that I begin to attempt to record them that they will disappear.. as though they are somehow something which is supposed to be kept as spiritual elusive or deep  mystery?

At the same time, I do think that everything happens for a reason. Like the time I saw the name of a potential lover written, quite literally, in puffy white clouds above my back door.  I read that as a good sign.  The fact that it was over my back door could imply that it should be an outgoing idea as opposed the disasterous incoming idea that I interpreted as.  Wouldn't you?  I was lonely and that was another factor in my downfall... emotions.

By recording details surrounding coincidence and fate - I am not sure what will be accomplished.  I hope that after a year.. I may have something or not.  Either way - I will have an interesting year being forced to be present.  ;)

My love,


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My Favourite Teacher - Part Two

I was feeling nervous and fragile that first visit to Lyle.  He was quiet, respectful and he sat in his chair at an angle which was almost side on to me.  It gave the impression that we were sitting together. 

During the session, I filled him in on what was going on.  We spoke and he mixed me a container of liquid made up of chinese herbs.  It was green/blue/black - a mixture of liqurice and slime.  I was gagging just watching him swirl it around.

A couple of times I asked questions of a spiritual nature.  During these times, he seemed to stop and take a little notice of me.... His answers were interesting and they prompted more thoughts and questions. 

At the end of the hour.. I felt as if I had moved from my stationary position.  He was fascinating and the thoughts processes were a welcome change from the real life emotional dramas.. there was some peace which I hadn't felt for a long time. 

I paid Lyle for the consultation and as I was about to leave asked if I could make an appointment with him the next week.  He asked 'Why?'  I told him I had more questions.  He smiled and told me to come back the same time next week but he wouldn't be accepting money.

From then on, I become a very happy student of this wonderful person.  His generosity in exchanging ideas and his lack of wanting anything in return was refreshing.  It created a rare trust.  Although it didn't start as smoothly as I had planned or expected...

The following Wednesday arrived and I got to Lyle's office ready to learn everything that he had to teach.  I was so fired up - When I got there.. he was sitting in his seat.  He said hello and smiled.  I sat down and waited.  And waited and waited.  He just sat there.. in silence.

I was thinking, "What the? Isn't he going to say something?".  But he didn't.  At the end of the silent session which I have to say freaked me out.. I went home to ponder.  He said, "See you next week."  I remember thinking.. Why?  I have just completely wasted your time and mine...

The next week came and this time I was nervous.  I decided that I would go along just to tell Lyle that I didn't think it was for me and that I was afraid that I would be wasting his time.  I sat down.. but the words didn't come out the way I intended.  They came out as a question and he could respond.  In fact, whenever I asked him a question.. he replied quickly and with enthusiasm.  The discussion began and I realised that he had put me in the drivers seat.  I was in control of my own learning... and then it became apparent that as a true, good teacher does - he didn't try to teach.

What joy to realise that he didn't have an agenda of what HE thought I needed to learn.  Lyle was able to gauge, from the simple questions I was asking, where I was on my philosophical journey.  This tactic was an invaluable lesson in itself and one which I would like to master myself.

We didn't have silent lessons after that.  There was much energy and information thrown around that little room.

I moved away from the country to live again in the city.  I haven't seen Lyle since I left.. but like a true friend or someone who is 'important'.. I think about him every day.  And every day I am grateful to have him as part of my spiritual life. 

And now I know that you don't get the answers unless you first ask the questions.

Much love,

My Favourite Teacher - Part One

I had seen the man around the town I lived in many times.  He was both invisible and a giant at the same time.  He had the ability to disappear into a crowd, was mysterious and I didn't like him.  To add to the confusing feelings I had about a complete stranger, two of my best friends, were associated with him.  He was their teacher.  He taught them martial arts, meditation and energy.  He ran classes which were well attended, he was reaching an audience of miners who, let's face it, really benefitted from a dose of the spirit and I wanted nothing at all to do with him... even though my friends knew I was having a hard time and were telling me to visit him.

One day, in town, I saw him, Lyle, walking in my direction. For some reason, I was overcome by fear.  I thought perhaps he would read me as the fraud & the fake that I felt I was.  Rather than face this possible scrutiny.. I crossed the street. 

Which made me think.... Why? Why? Then life took hold again and there were more important things to think about.  My Dad was fighting a rare cancer, my relationship smashed apart, I had a falling out with my brother and his partner which was devastating and my two year old got chicken pox... all within a few days.  I remember getting a sandwhich from a shop, opening it up and looking at the contents and weeping, "There is no love in here!"

Driving home from visiting Dad, I was fucking miserable.  Pardon.  Then Lyle popped into my head.  I shooed him away.  It happened again. His annoying, floating face.  Flabbergasted, I said out loud to myself,  "Right God, if I am truly supposed to see Lyle - then send me a sign."   Three seconds later I drove past a lake and a large sign which read 'LAKE LYLE'.  For the first time in ages I laughed.  Because God, it seems, has a sense of humour.

I made an appointment to see Lyle when I got home.  830am.  On the next Wednesday morning... and I was excited.

To be continued...

Be careful what you wish for.. or at least be specific.

I was telling my friend about an experience I had living in the country.  I was recovering from a post baby belly and having trouble feeling like myself while my body was readjusting and doing it's own thing.  I was so desperate for clothes in a fashion free zone that I made a humble wish.  All I needed to get me through were three skirts.  Preferrably A-line.  With vintage prints. Knee-length and inexpensive.  I pictured them.  The dream was lovely. 

Later that day I walked past our local op. shop.  There, on the skirt rack were three skirts, knee-length, A-line and with vintage prints.  They all happened to be many sizes too big for me. I was frustrated for a second until I realised that I hadn't specified a size in my wish or visualization. This made me chuckle to myself.

Years later, this event is still vey clear to me.  It made me think about how much control we have over what we bring into our own lives.  I know that there are books ie: The Secret, which have introduced Manifestation to a mainstream audience but I fear that the point of personal empowerment and the lack of detail regarding the intricacies of manifestation were left out or under represented.

It is my personal view that a spiritual journey is completely individual.  Every person has their own path and God - whatever you know God to be - will communicate to the individual using a voice that they alone will hear.  I have my commune with God when I am making art or writing or thinking or walking or in the shower.
The moments I have had, too many to count, have left me euphoric and fervent... which I find fascinating as I am not religious in any way.  I had a religious upbringing and though I appreciate it... it did not feel 'right' to me. 

I have been very lucky in my life to have had the honour to learn and work along side some marvelous teachers.  My teachers have not asked me for money or anything in return from me.  They have offered their truths and wisdom as quickly and as easily as I have asked the questions.  I call them Teachers because I don't know how they would feel about being called my Master or Guru.  They are too humble for that - they are realistic, energetic, logical and spiritual beings who have helped me pass the time as a human on Earth.

I have called this blog Now Seer This due to these people and my own learnings over time.  I must stress at this point that I am human and faulted.  I still have ego and millstones.. but I also have this truth or core which buoys me on the squalliest days.   

This collection of writings, I am hoping, will provide a map of a spirit, a human life and it's search for answers.  Every day I learn more and more.  Not a day goes past when true MAGIC happens.  Not like the car sticker.. that just freaks me out.  When I say magic.. I mean the real nature of the word.  It is the something that is brought into being by 'whatever it is'.  I don't know what it is.  I like to call it the 'Elusive'.  It is something felt so deep yet completely indescibable.  You can sense it but it defies explaination.

It is what is between the lines.. between breaths.. between thoughts.  I hope one day to make sense of it.  :)

Love Limerick

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

What's Awesome??

If you ask me what I am.. I may have some trouble telling you.

I'll probably answer with something lame like "I'm flesh and blood", "I'm stardust", "I'm a soul waiting to go home".  And then I'll sit on my back step and think.. I should have thought about that longer.  I sold myself WAY short... upon which my logical brain will kick in with NO WAY and will go through the obligatory list of artist, mother, woman, daughter, sister, employee etc etc.. and I could list myself even further to the point of sexual orientation, favourite music,  erogenous foods or books... but why?  I think I'd be missing the point.  In fact, I know I have missed the point over and over again which makes me an Expert.

Being an Expert gives me certain liberties.  I can, essesntially say what I like.  For Example:  an Expert is someone who has tried many times to perfect something.  I can assume that through the process of perfecting.. many mistakes would be made.  Therefore, an Expert would be someone who has made many mistakes.  As well as failure, odds are in favour of some episodes of triumph... which is what would drive an Expert to continue.  A true Expert, regardless of age, would realise pretty quickly if he/she was on a road to Nowhere and correct their direction. 

I am going on about this expert stuff because, basically, I want you to believe every word that I say.  It's manipulative but also disgustingly, wonderfully honest.  I have lived and made a truck load of mistakes - It's a semi-trailor load -    We are talking major road train..    piled high and overflowing with mistakes.  I'm sorry, it looks like the Lotto truck but it's not.  

It's my truck load of mistakes that makes me an Expert.

Being an Expert also leaves me open and vulnerable to attacks from people who wish to prove that I am not an Expert.   They try.  Oh, how they try....   Not one person has yet been able to prove that I am not an Expert as an Expert knows how to say "I don't know". 

An Expert knows you can't know everything and an Expert doesn't want to know everything.. just that which is relevant to his or her personal evolution into Expertise.  I am an Expert who knows what she knows and doesn't know what she doesn't.  This also happens to make me a Specialist.

Being an Expert Specialist or E.S. means that I have made more mistakes than most.  Child prodigy Experts usually have unfortunate childhoods... forever falling into the wrong situation at the wong time with the wrong people who are using the wrong kind of drugs and wanting to do very wrong kinds of things...

If you ask me what I am I can tell you that I am an Expert who specialises in Mistakes with a major in Consequence.  I minored in Metaphysics, Synchronicity and Filosophy (which is thinking and eating pastries at the same time (also my FAVOURITE class)).  I passed with a  Bloody High Distinction.    In my spare time, I made extra credit by volunteering in the Quantum Jump Lab and by tutoring students who were from spiritually disadvantaged backgrounds.

So now I am a Goody2Shoes, a Specialist and an Expert.  It's no wonder I have had a hard time finding 'real world' employment.  I am completely over-qualified!

I am Limerick.  An (almost) unemployable (till the library) over-qualified, goody2Shoe, Specialist in everything she is expert at.

That's fucking awesome!
Ooh, pardon me!  I think it was me who just swore.  Open the window quickly and let it out.........

Sunday, June 12, 2011

An almost splendid introduction

I am in awe of the world - the earth and everything about it, regarding it..including those who live upon it.  It hasn't always been so.  My eyes were closed to it all for a very long time.  Or were they?  :)  No, they weren't.  I did always know that something was amiss.. even as a child. 

This world is strange and unbalanced.. no one can argue that.  Not one day goes by on this planet where something terrible or extraordinary happens or both.  And it seems with time.. the lengths people will go to get greater and greater.  For  what?  Power?  Money??  Ego & Greed.

It is all odd to me.  Life seems so far removed from life that I imagined... The technology revolution has struck and the people are losing their heads.  The ride into an enlightened future seems as though it is now going backward... My head is spinning and I want to get off.  Take my hand.. get off with me.

Now sit and lets breathe.

Phew.  What a trip!  Is this what you signed up for??  OMG!! It isn't anything like I imagined or dreamt or wanted.  The world promises such simplicity and yet everything is more complicated than ever before.  Each time a new technology is added - we spend time (we'd otherwise spend) learning it, accessing it and living through it.  Goodness me.  I am ashamed of myself for jumping on the bandwagon.  I wanted something so very different and indeed I know that there is something different and better to it all.  My apologies to the Christians... but I don't think it's as simple as God and going to Church.  I think it's even better than that.  It encompasses God - absorbs it - makes God Better Bigger and Real.  I sound like a mad woman you'd find at an inner city train station.  My friends will back this up.  :) They, after all, are the ones who I inflict myself upon and these thoughts of mine.

I talk to you as though I know you.  As if you sit here with me.  Because you may find me by accident or you may have looked for me or the words on this page may just be the synchronistic answers you asked just minutes ago... while you were blowing your nose or having a cup of tea or getting dressed or making the kids breakfast.  I love those questions which occur while I am 'chopping wood'. 

I  ponder the state of things.  I identify problems in the greater society.. I feel compelled to solve them.  I am a goody two shoes at heart - and I'm not ashamed of it.  I like that my heart runs deep.  I am happy that I am hard on myself and force myself to think about the hard things.  This makes me proud.  When I die, I want to die knowing the world I was a part of.  The good, the bad and the Ugly.  I don't want to die having lived an enclosed life - underexposed and ignorant. If life hurts - then so be it.

I want to apologise for my intensity - as I do.  But simultaneously, I don't.  This is me and I could change myself.. I could learn to dampen the passions that drive me head long into life whether people like it or not.. but why?  I don't want to. I want to climb those impossible philosophical mountains and cross diabolical emotional passes - the bigger the better.  I'll chew them up as I have before and love it.

The scars I wear with a certain pride.  The ego screams at me from the shelf.... life will be there tomorrow.