I am in awe of the world - the earth and everything about it, regarding it..including those who live upon it. It hasn't always been so. My eyes were closed to it all for a very long time. Or were they? :) No, they weren't. I did always know that something was amiss.. even as a child.
This world is strange and unbalanced.. no one can argue that. Not one day goes by on this planet where something terrible or extraordinary happens or both. And it seems with time.. the lengths people will go to get greater and greater. For what? Power? Money?? Ego & Greed.
It is all odd to me. Life seems so far removed from life that I imagined... The technology revolution has struck and the people are losing their heads. The ride into an enlightened future seems as though it is now going backward... My head is spinning and I want to get off. Take my hand.. get off with me.
Now sit and lets breathe.
Phew. What a trip! Is this what you signed up for?? OMG!! It isn't anything like I imagined or dreamt or wanted. The world promises such simplicity and yet everything is more complicated than ever before. Each time a new technology is added - we spend time (we'd otherwise spend) learning it, accessing it and living through it. Goodness me. I am ashamed of myself for jumping on the bandwagon. I wanted something so very different and indeed I know that there is something different and better to it all. My apologies to the Christians... but I don't think it's as simple as God and going to Church. I think it's even better than that. It encompasses God - absorbs it - makes God Better Bigger and Real. I sound like a mad woman you'd find at an inner city train station. My friends will back this up. :) They, after all, are the ones who I inflict myself upon and these thoughts of mine.
I talk to you as though I know you. As if you sit here with me. Because you may find me by accident or you may have looked for me or the words on this page may just be the synchronistic answers you asked just minutes ago... while you were blowing your nose or having a cup of tea or getting dressed or making the kids breakfast. I love those questions which occur while I am 'chopping wood'.
I ponder the state of things. I identify problems in the greater society.. I feel compelled to solve them. I am a goody two shoes at heart - and I'm not ashamed of it. I like that my heart runs deep. I am happy that I am hard on myself and force myself to think about the hard things. This makes me proud. When I die, I want to die knowing the world I was a part of. The good, the bad and the Ugly. I don't want to die having lived an enclosed life - underexposed and ignorant. If life hurts - then so be it.
I want to apologise for my intensity - as I do. But simultaneously, I don't. This is me and I could change myself.. I could learn to dampen the passions that drive me head long into life whether people like it or not.. but why? I don't want to. I want to climb those impossible philosophical mountains and cross diabolical emotional passes - the bigger the better. I'll chew them up as I have before and love it.
The scars I wear with a certain pride. The ego screams at me from the shelf.... life will be there tomorrow.